I just got a message from someone I hadn’t heard from in many years. Someone

I only know by email — we’ve never met. This message stirred up some old memories.

KG (let’s call him) first contacted me ages ago.

He had been ego-surfing (who hasn’t) and found a page of mine where I dared to criticize a book he had co-authored on a subject we both

love: Chaco Canyon. In my one or two paragraph

”review,” I spoke my mind, as I do. He was furious at the effrontery. He took it upon himself not just to refute my criticism but

to attack me as talentless and self-promoting. He was pretty mean.

I’ve had a few such memorable exchanges; some with strangers, some

with people I know (including one of my oldest and dearest friends). Three of those with friends shook me deeply and made me question my

perceptions and ability to communicate (that’s some mighty deep shaking). Those with strangers were easier; I was less hurt and more

curious and tried to work through the flames. Most of these disputes were many years ago. Perhaps there was something in the air or in me

that isn’t there anymore.

So, I wrote back to KG and we traded a few messages. Eventually we worked around to tolerating each other a

bit. I was still curious about what an uninvolved party would think of this; I posted
a portion of our exchange; it has been languishing in a corner

of the Web these many years.

Now KG has invited me to a show. I won’t make too much fun of the grammatical error at the start of the

invitation (I’ve made the same error many times). I was curious enough to visit his website, which is attractive and professional. I

checked the link to the web developer. It led straight to a porn site. I don’t think I’ll tell KG, and that makes me feel a little

shabby and a little exhilarated.

Of course, there is a message or a lesson in many things. Often the most obvious message is not

really the lesson. There is, for me, the recurring lesson of forgiving — I think this post may prove I still have that lesson to learn.

There is the balance between remembering and forgetting. There is the web we weave, connecting even strangers over time. mjh