Every year for some time now, I’ve cut my hair on 1/13; Merri cuts it, as she does the few times throughout the year that I have it cut. January 13th is the anniversary of my Mother’s death. Ernestine Justice Hinton died 19 years ago. The grief is no longer crushing, but still nearby. My Mom may have loved everything about her kids (Elizabeth, Danny and me). But, with me, it was always my hair that seemed to make her light up. And, so I cut it.

This year in memory of Mom, I did something different (after my ritual haircut). I stepped into a parallel universe, where Merri and I have 3 kids. I picked the kids up from school in the minivan. Donald, who is 6 1/2, had a better day than yesterday (which was “the worst day of my life” — I refrained then from telling him much worse days will come). Dean, 5, was very talkative once I startled everyone by driving home a different way (he doesn’t like change — too bad). At the neigborhood day care center, little DJ, 2 last week, washed his hands in the little sink after his diaper change — they say he’s the best kid they have (they probably say that to all the parents, but I believe them). We went to the park and frolicked (from the German word for ‘happy’, I didn’t tell them). On her way home from the grocery, Merri stopped by with super-cheddar goldfish cuz she knew we’d be hungry and getting cold. As the sun set, I drove the kids home. Dean showed me his wildlife coloring book; DJ kept bringing me different toys; Donald changed into a TV zombie.

The boys real mom, Lavern, came home with McDonald’s for dinner; dad, Donavon, will be home in a couple of days. I slipped into the darkness, walked out of that parallel universe back to mine. No real regrets in this world, except that Mom never saw it. mjh

01/13/2003: Ernestine Justice Hinton

Ernestine Justice Hinton taught me to love quick wit, language and laughter. …