Daily Kos: Re-Improved Colbert transcript (now with complete text of Colbert-Thomas video!)

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don’t pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in “reality.” And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass — it’s important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it’s 2/3 empty. …

The greatest thing about this man is he’s steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man’s beliefs never will.

As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president’s side, and the vice president’s side.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they’re super-depressing. And if that’s your goal, well, misery accomplished.

Over the last five years you people were so good — over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn’t want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works: the president makes decisions. He’s the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put ’em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know – fiction!

Read the whole transcript — it is full of zings and barbs. Colbert’s presentation is amazingly blunt and wreckless. I hope everyone in the audience squirmed constantly. mjh

[Thanks, Jas.]

All Kidding Aside By Dan Froomkin, Special to washingtonpost.com

So was the biggest news of the night that Bush so effectively and humorously poked fun at himself? Or that a captive president — and, to a lesser degree, the press corps — had so sit and watch as they were subjected to devastating, vitriolic satire?

Possibly because they themselves were targets, most reporters chose to downplay the Colbert part of the evening. …

“As Colbert walked from the podium, when it was over, the president and First Lady gave him quick nods, unsmiling, and handshakes, and left immediately.”

Here’s what CNN’s Ed Henry reported: “Now, the president ended his remarks by — his official remarks by saying that it’s really important to laugh in this job. That’s probably more true than ever, now that he’s so low in the polls. But I have to tell you, near the end of Stephen Colbert’s routine, the president didn’t really seem to be laughing. He actually seemed to be a little bit annoyed at some of the pokes from Stephen Colbert, it went on for a bit.”

The Moderate Voice – Colbert’s White House Correspondent Dinner Performance Underscores Irony’s Power And Delicacy [lots of excerpts of reactions from Left and Right]

HUD secretary’s blunt warning

[U.S. Housing and Urban Development Secretary Alphonso] Jackson, a former president and CEO of the Dallas Housing Authority, was among the featured speakers at a forum sponsored by the Real Estate Executive Council, a national minority real estate consortium.

After discussing the huge strides the agency has made in doing business with minority-owned companies, Jackson closed with a cautionary tale, relaying a conversation he had with a prospective advertising contractor.

“He had made every effort to get a contract with HUD for 10 years,” Jackson said of the prospective contractor. “He made a heck of a proposal and was on the (General Services Administration) list, so we selected him. He came to see me and thank me for selecting him. Then he said something … he said, ‘I have a problem with your president.’

“I said, ‘What do you mean?’ He said, ‘I don’t like President Bush.’ I thought to myself, ‘Brother, you have a disconnect — the president is elected, I was selected. You wouldn’t be getting the contract unless I was sitting here. If you have a problem with the president, don’t tell the secretary.’

“He didn’t get the contract,” Jackson continued. “Why should I reward someone who doesn’t like the president, so they can use funds to try to campaign against the president? Logic says they don’t get the contract. That’s the way I believe.”

[via NewMexiKen]

Maybe you think “Culture of Corruption” sounds wrong. But isn’t it the height of corruption to take away government money from someone because of one statement?

I really do appreciate how absolutely feckless everyone near Duhbya is. They don’t even try to hide the absolute partisanship — they celebrate it. Hey, they won — it’s their government!

Had enough? mjh

Telegraph | News | President’s bass moment By Francis Harris, in Washington

The disclosure came when a German reporter asked him to name his best and worst moments since taking office in 2000.

Naturally, Mr Bush said September 11 had proved by far the worst moment. But he clearly struggled to find a happy moment of equal intensity. In the end, the fish came to mind.

“I don’t know, it’s hard to characterise the great moments. They’ve all been busy moments, by the way. I would say the best moment was when I caught a 7½lb largemouth bass on my lake,” George W Bush said. [mjh: it’s hard work! wanna see my pet frog?]

No matter what his supporters say, Duhbya is NOT a smart man. He peaked as a C student and from there went on to drink and, some say, do drugs for years. Christianity may have straightened him out, but it can’t make anyone smarter than god did. His political philosophy confuses conservatives and liberals — it’s hard to know what he’s really thinking. I don’t know if the deal was sealed by passing out choking on a pretzl or the extreme shock of 9/11, but this man is not well, emotionally or mentally. mjh

The Toll of the Anti-Politicians By Jim Hoagland

National issues dominate [many] country’s troubles. But part of the broader erosion is due to the rise of the anti-politician: the leader who seeks or wields power in the name of a cause higher than politics and the art of compromise, and who gains electoral advantage by denigrating government and its funding. [mjh: i.e., the work of the Radical Right]

That advantage turns out to be temporary and ultimately self-defeating. Related assaults on politics as a profession, on compromise as a function of government and on taxes as a valid instrument for common welfare turn quickly into dead ends. They deliver only instant gratification for the frustrated.

President Bush’s well-advertised animus toward “Washington” and his refusal to work with Congress to reformulate the national security and civil liberties laws needed to support an enduring war on terrorist networks provide examples of the kind of corrosive anti-politics that I have in mind. A recent trip to Europe shows that the practice and its consequences are not confined to Washington.

Guantanamo’s innocuous men By Mahvish Khan, Special to The Washington Post

[Ali Shah] Mousovi is a physician from the Afghan city of Gardez, where he was arrested by U.S. troops 2 1/2 years ago. He tells us that he had returned to Afghanistan in August 2003, after 12 years of exile in Iran, to help rebuild his wathan, his homeland. He believes that someone turned him in to U.S. forces just to collect up to $25,000 being offered to anyone who gave up a Talib or al Qaeda member.

As I translate from Pashto, Mousovi hesitantly describes life since his arrest. Transported to the Bagram air base near Kabul in eastern Afghanistan, he was thrown — blindfolded, hooded and gagged — into a 3 1/2 -by-7-foot shed. He says he was beaten regularly by Americans in civilian clothing, deprived of sleep by tape-recordings of sirens that blared day and night. He describes being dragged around by a rope, subjected to extremes of heat and cold. He says he barely slept for an entire month.

He doesn’t know why he was brought to Guantanamo Bay. He had hoped he would be freed at his military hearing in December 2004. Instead, he was accused of associating with the Taliban and of funneling money to anti-coalition insurgents. When he asked for evidence, he was told it was classified. And so he sits in prison, far from his wife and three children. More than anyone, he misses his 11-year-old daughter, Hajar. When he talks about her, his eyes fill with tears, and his head droops. …

The very existence of the military detention camp at Guantanamo Bay seemed an affront to what the United States stands for. How could our government deny the prisoners there the right to a fair hearing? I didn’t know whether they were innocent or guilty — but I figured they should be entitled to the same protections as any rape or murder suspect. …

As an American, I felt the pain of Sept. 11, and I understood the need to invade Afghanistan and destroy the Taliban and al Qaeda. But I also felt the suffering of the Afghans as their country was bombed. And when hundreds of men were rounded up and thrust into a black hole of detention, many with seemingly no proof that they had any terrorist connections, I felt that my own country had taken a wrong turn. …

No matter the age or background of the detainee, our meetings always leave me feeling helpless. These men show me the human face of the war on terrorism. They’ve been systematically dehumanized, cast as mere numbers in prison-camp fashion. But to me, they’ve become almost like friends, or brothers or fathers. I can honestly say that I don’t believe any of our clients are guilty of crimes against the United States. No doubt some men here are, but not the men I’ve met. …

Most are held in isolation in cells separated by thick steel mesh or concrete walls. Every man eats every meal alone in his small cell. The prisoners are allowed out of their cells three times a week for about 15 minutes to exercise, often in the middle of the night, so many don’t see sunlight for months at a time.

mjh’s blog — Another Victim of American Torture: Maher Arar

mjh’s blog — America kidnapped me

Guantanamo’s innocuous men By Mahvish Khan, Special to The Washington Post

At 80, Haji Nusrat — Detainee No. 1009 — is Guantanamo Bay’s oldest prisoner. A stroke 15 years ago left him partly paralyzed. He cannot stand up without assistance, and he hobbles to the bathroom behind a walker. Despite his paralysis, his swollen legs and feet are tightly cuffed and shackled to the floor. He says that his shoes are too tight and that he needs new ones. He has asked for medical attention for the inflammation in his legs but has not been taken to a hospital.

“They wait until you are almost dead,” he says.

He has a long white beard and grayish-brown eyes that drift from Peter’s face to mine as we explain his legal issues to him. In the middle of our meeting, he says to me: “Bachay.” My child. “Look at my white beard. They have brought me here with a white beard. I have done nothing at all. I have not said a single word against the Americans.”

He comes from a small mountain village in Afghanistan and cannot read or write. He has 10 children and does not know if his wife is still alive — he hasn’t received any letters.

U.S. troops arrested Nusrat in 2003, a few days after he went to complain about the arrest of his son Izat, who also is detained at Guantanamo Bay.

As I read this article, I could hear Donald Rumsfeld’s voice intoning, “they’re trained to lie!” I wonder what training Rummy had or if he’s just a natural. Is solitary confinement really the best way to handle an 80 year old man, liar or not? mjh

Since Congress is dragging it’s feet on addressing our country’s shortage on oil, I have made a bumper sticker I think we should get out to everyone to get this back on the front burner. I am attaching the simple design with a PDF. I am willing to make and sell these to anyone who wants one. All I ask is a $5 donation to go to help fund conservative, logical thinking congressmen’s campaigns across the nation. For each $5 political contribution, I will donate the profit of $2.50 each to a candidates that are Pro-Anwar drilling.

Thanks…. I enjoy your blog….

Kim

Well, this is certainly a different tone from Jeff’s recent comment. I do have to wonder if Kim has ever read my blog.

Kim’s bumpersticker says “Drill ANWR” and features a giant drill bit. I take that to mean “screw everything” — whether intended or not.

The ANWR obsession is particularly strange. First, ANWR was part of a earlier compromise — you get to destroy this big area, we get to keep this small area. So, now non-conserving Conservatives are proud to be known as unwilling to stand by previous agreements? Or is this just a flip-flop?

Second, if drilling were approved tomorrow, how long before oil from ANWR morphed into gas in your tank? I’ve heard 10 years, but let’s just say that’s exaggerated. Five years? In five years, the price per gallon will be well over $5.

Finally, at least among enviro-whackos, the potential output from ANWR is predicted to be relatively small compared to our bottomless thirst. Doesn’t it seem that in 5 to 10 years we could set our sights on saving more than ANWR would ever pump?

It should be clear to everyone: we will not drill our way out of this hole. mjh