The Real Inaugural Address

Greetings from Richmond, Virginia, the Capital of the Confederacy. My name is Jefferson Davis and I am here to accept my mandate — the people have spoken! It was never red versus blue states; it was always Blue versus Gray.

Brothers and Sisters, it has taken nearly 150 years to win our war against Northern Aggression. A lot of Yankee blood has watered our gardens. Now, we are triumphant. We have beaten the Beast and we can savor the bankrupting of the immoral Federacy. No longer do we have to accept their dominance — they are toast, my friends, relegated to the ashheap of history.

Now, the North must acknowledge our great culture. Our music, our stories, our family values, our moral fabric so stained by northern filth. Now, we can restore our economic greatness again — cheap labor makes men rich! Guns keep us free! Obedience to God benefits the State!

Many of you want to call the liberal North a bunch of fools, but that’s not our way. We are as genteel as we are resolute. We will treat the treacherous North with greater civility than they ever treated us. They don’t know what it is like to be subjugated, defeated, humiliated, bled. To be forced to accept a culture that has no moral compass, that puts science above God, justice above wealth, equality above property rights. They don’t know what it is like to have your entire society crushed, even burned to the ground. But we know. It has made our blood boil for 150 years, that northern arrogance, that Federal invasion. Now we will dismantle the Federal government and undo all the wickedness forced on us in the Sixties.

Let us not revel in vengeance against those who took everything from us. Instead, let us work toward solidifying our power for generations to come. Then the North, the Democrats, the Liberals, the Queers will all recognize they are nothing but a minority to be tolerated — to a point. Do not push us beyond that point, as you have so many times in the past. Do not dare think this great nation is yours any longer. It is ours, we’ve won it, we’ve earned it, we’ve paid dearly for it. We own it all. Now we are masters again. God bless US. mjh

Read mjh’s blog — Left Undone

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