The NRA is working on a time machine. They plan to go back in time to arm oppressed people everywhere. (And to arm their oppressors, too — that’s just smart business and only fair.) They’ll start with automatic rifles for the apostles.

If Africans had had firepower, they wouldn’t have been enslaved. (After all, the slavers did have guns.) If the Slaves had had guns, the Civil War would have ended sooner. (Slave holders had guns.)

If women had had machine guns, they wouldn’t have been beaten and imprisoned for demanding the right to vote.

The only thing standing between good and evil is a time traveler with a gun. See you at Little Big Horn. (Wait! No! Everyone had guns there.)